I'm gettin' good at "Good bye" and I hate it!

First, I would like to make a comment about Deanna's previous post. She really has been working hard and I'm so proud of her for what she has done and what I hope she will accomplish. I pray she can finish before she falls apart! More importantly I hope she doesn't really think this is going to stop all of us from asking her where everything is! She's the wife and mother and she really does know where it all is. So why should we look for something when we can just ask her? Oh well, I'll let her dream of peace for a while...

And now for something completely different.

If you noticed the title of this post. For the last year or two Deanna and I have felt ourselves being "set apart".

This is a poetic phrase.
It makes it seem nicer than what it feels like.
"Separated" is closer to the truth but still not there yet.

The personal crutches that we have been using to get through this life are being "kicked out" from underneath us. That is closer to what it feels like.

Here, I think I have a better picture for you:

Imagine a Stone bridge that is just big enough for two people to walk across side by side. This bridge spans a gap, let's say four thousand(!) feet high, but only sixty feet across. This is a good sturdy bridge. Solid. it doesn't sway in the wind. Each step you make on it is as firm as solid ground and there is an equally solid hand rail along each side to hold on to.
Now imagine that you have to walk across this bridge and back several times each day for many years. After a while, regardless of any fears of heights you might have, crossing this bridge would become easier. You would be able to do it without thinking about it. In fact, you would be able to cross this bridge with your hands full of packages without worry.

Until.

One day as you start to cross you notice a section of the hand rail is missing. Not broken, No pieces. a section is just "missing".

The bridge still feels sturdy. The rest of the rail is solid. There is just this one "person sized" gap in the rail on one side.

It will make you nervous.

Still, as you continue to make your trips across you become accustomed to the gap in the rail.
You miss that section of railing.
You hate it that it's gone, but you realize it doesn't affect how solid the bridge is. You can still walk it but,
that hand hold isn't there.

After a couple of weeks of still making your many trips across this bridge you suddenly stop short just halfway across.
There is another "person sized" gap in the hand railing. Again, the bridge is sturdy. The rest of the rails are firm. The section that is missing just "disappeared".
There is nothing you can do.
You have to continue to cross this gap on this bridge.
There is nothing you can find, nothing you have, that can fill that gap in the rail.

That hand-hold is gone too.

You take a deep breadth and trust in the very sturdy bridge beneath you and continue walking.
After a while it happens again and again until there is almost no railing left. It doesn't matter how long you have crossed this bridge. The Fact that the bridge is just as dependable as ever, doesn't stop the insecurity that you feel as you near this bridge.

Of course I have Faith in Jesus Christ and He is my/our bridge. He is as solid as ever and I can trust Him. Still, I miss the hand holds that perhaps I took too much for granted.

Meet Diane Januesheske.

I promise if you met her you would love her. Everyone does.

Really.

She has become one of my very best friends and God has blessed her and her husband with a dream come true.

See, I work with her and finding true Christian friends at that place is difficult. Ironically, some of the few Christians that are there tend to judge me more than the non-Christians. I am a weirdo and I know it. Diane still would listen and judge what I'm saying on the merit of what is said alone. She has never disregarded anything I've said just because I'm the nut job that said it. I've never expected anyone to agree with me. Including her. I am quite happy to be friends with those that disagree. I am glad to hear any ones "reasons" for what they believe as well. I-kid- you-not that trying to be an Honest representative of Jesus Christ in that environment is difficult. She has been more than a life size hand-hold for me. She has kicked me in the shins and punched me in the arm more times than I can remember (and all but once I deserved it). She has striven to always do her best at work and when I wasn't feeling the Joy of the Lord I usually could find it on her face from across the room. The only thing I think I contributed was to get her addicted to chocolate covered coffee beans.

This sounds like a memorial. It's not. Though the resemblance to a Christian funeral is real. While I am terribly sad for me I am rejoicing, praising God and praying for her and her husband Dean. They have bought a little store with a house in a great area three to four hours drive from here. I think that it's going to be great and continue to pray that it is. Still, I feel like the whole railing is gone from that side of the bridge. Diane, you will be missed.


Post Script
I feel like there isn't much in the way of hand holds left for Deanna and myself. The Lord has been systematically removing those and leading us to trust in Him alone; but that bridge is strong enough and wide enough for Deanna and I to walk across holding hands and that's good enough for me.

May the Joy of the Lord Give you Strength!

Will.