And stupid strikes again....

Well, I knew it was only a matter of time....I knew that something would happen. This could have been really, really embarrassing....Thank you God that it wasn't.

There's little old Deanna (ok let's be realistic...There's big old Deanna) standing there at her mail case, minding my own business. Things are going pretty well. Almost done pulling all my mail down into buckets so I can leave on the route for delivery. My leg brushes up against my stool which for some reason is sticking out a little from under the case. OUCH! I've hardly touched the thing and it bit me!

Right behind my right knee. I think to myself, maybe I already had a scratch that I didn't know about and I just bumped it when I hit the stool. Ok, there's an answer for it. I continue on and finish pulling down and then head out and load my jeep. The whole time my leg is hurting worse and worse. I cannot for the life of me figure out what is wrong. I head into the bathroom and very quietly look...a HUGE sliver is embedded in my leg. It is over an inch long and really in there. Oh great. How many people can pull a sliver out of the "back " of their own leg? I am not a contortionist. I can hardly walk without killing myself and here I am with this?

I start trying to pull it out. It's not coming. I can't get ahold of it. Now, I'm figuring that I'll have to run out and get my friend Rita to try to get it out or I'm going to have to head to the ER of all places for a sliver. You know how work is when there is an injury of any type. They are so afraid of getting sued that they will send you for anything. I am not looking forward to explaining this to anyone....let alone a Doctor. I could just imagine the smirks.

Well, as I'm pulling up my pants leg to head out to get Rita to help me, the denim catches on the sliver and pulls it out. Whew. Saved by the pants leg. That could have been really embarrassing for me. So.....of course I had to come blog about it. Go figure.

Now lesson number two......when you have lost 14 pounds do not try to run in the rain in baggy pants. We were reading meters, of course in the rain, although that's much better than snow. I was slogging through the muck and mud with my baggy pants on holding the clip board trying to keep the paper dry. Good luck with that one. Anyway, I decided to try to jog back to the car. I'm only wet. Other than that I'm feeling pretty good. Guess what happens?.......Pants down to the knees. Right in the middle of the yard. Thankfully, no one was home and Will was not looking. I think he would have laughed himself silly. As it was he laughed at me hiking my britches up the whole way anyway.

Lesson number 3:

When you really, really have to go (you know what I mean), DO NOT TRY TO "GO" IN A MOSQUITO INFESTED WOODED AREA ALIVE WITH DEER FLIES!!!!!!!!!!

There were no bathrooms around. None. We are miles and miles from no where. We stop at this house that is a hunting cabin back in the woods. I figure I'm safe running into the woods quick. There were all of these little pine trees I could just disappear into them and no one would be the wiser because Will was reading the meter on the other side of the house, a long, long way aways.

As soon as the naked flesh hit the air.......thousands and thousands of the little buggers headed for me. It was like they heard some radiopathic, sonic, psychic bulletin.........COME AND GET ITTTTTTTT!! It looked like those pictures of all of the bombers during the world wars as they did air raids. I was going as fast as I could LITERALLY and they ate me up! I grabbed everything I owned and ran back to the car. Then the misery started. Itch! Itch! It was terrible.

BUT ! My saving grace was my baggy jeans. Yes they might be hard to run in, but let me tell you when you got misery and the only way to fix it is Hydrocortizone cream, which I had in my purse. They are a blessing. I just sat in that seat and put on that cream without taking my pants off or anything.. You don't think I was going to risk the air raid again did you. I stayed in the car and my pants were baggy enough to slather that cream all the way down to my knees. What a relief. For you women who will understand this, it was that same kind of feeling that you get while you are getting a permanent.... you know the one where your whole head is on fire with the solution and then they rinse it. It is one of the best feelings in the world.

All I could say was shut up Will. He was laughing like a loon over there. Of course he was sympathetic while I was itching, but my solution sent him over the edge. He just came by now, read two lines and left laughing like a loon again.

Then when we got home, I'm taking off my clothes to get into the shower and guess what falls on the floor?? All of these dead mosquitoes. That'll teach em! Of course we laughed some more after I told Will.

So I guess this is my month for stupid pants stories. Did I ever tell you about taking my shirt off in front of the Florida State Capitol? Well, there was this bee and I'm allergic. He flew in and it came off.....

Stupid things happen to me.

Have a great day.
dea