The Saga of Broadband part III

The Saga of Broadband part III

So, another local customer service rep calls me to tell me I qualify for something called
“Extended Broadband” and that it will only cost me $39.95 a month!

Okay, this is where I should be ecstatic right? Finally! Something that actually has “broadband” in the name! Whoo Hoo!

Never let me pass by a chance to look for the catch; To give an honest evaluation of what seems a dream come true…

I had to ask.

“Excuse me miss, but your website says it should only cost me $19.95.”

She: “Yes sir, but the website is wrong.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

She: “Yes sir, the website offer is for regular broadband. You don’t qualify for that.”

Me: “Lemme guess. I’m in too remote a location.”

She: “Yes sir. Our records show that you are too far from the remote terminal”

Me: “Here we go again. Excuse me miss, what would it take to get a technician out here to do a double check?”

She: “Well, I could arrange that sir. And call you back.”

Me: “That would be wonderful!” (Why couldn’t my first phone call been like this???)

So, I waited a couple of days and was out reading meters with Deanna, when we got the call from the technician:

He: “ I was really on your side about this sir, but I just checked the cable and you are 400 feet too far for broadband.”

Me: “That is okay. Do what you have to do. Either way I want to upgrade to whatever I can get. Would you do me a favor though?

He: “What’s that?”

Me: “Drive the distance from the terminal to my house. You will see it is in fact less than three miles. It’s okay; I understand that your cable does funny things on the way here. I just hope you understand that what you have told me is my next door neighbor can in fact get broadband and I cannot.”

He: “Yes sir, I am sorry about that.”

Me: “No problem. Thankyou for everything”

When I got home I actually walked the distance from the phone access box to my house: 220feet.
Here’s funny part number one:
The phone access box (that sticks up out of the ground) is past my house.

Past my house. As in the cable that comes from the “remote terminal” and that also comes through my front yard, then makes a “zig” across the middle of my lawn and then “zags” behind my house to pop up in my neighbors yard. (Side note: that neighbor also can’t get broadband. Of course my other neighbor…)

What does all that above mean? If the phone access box were to stop in my yard on the other side of the house I wouldn’t be too far for broadband.

Sigh. As Maxwell Smart used to say: “I missed it by That (I I) much!”

So how does it end? In true Donaldson fashion:

I have extended broadband now. It’s a little slower than the slowest type of broadband
And costs twice as much.

Figures.

But I have suffered for so long with dial up and this is at least 5 times faster! So both Deanna and I are ecstatic! It truly is wonderful.

Oh, guess what came in the mail today?

An advertising flyer.

C*nturytel tells me: “Great news! High-speed Internet is Now available in your area!

Yeah yeah.

I wonder if I should call ‘em?

Nah.

God Bless!
Will.